that blows

I just got chunky projectile vomited on and then had it wiped across my face.

Motherhood is so glamorous. Don't you envy me?

drum beat

These homemade coffee can drums may look sweet and innocent enough but let me warn you…don't run with them. Especially if you're just a few feet tall.

don't be fooled by the jovial looking primates

Because if you fall, you might just land on the lip of the lid with your face. The resulting injury will not be pretty…but it's a sure fire way to get extra kisses from the ladies.

two small cut lines and a goose egg bump

Even if that lady is your Mom.

a few hours later the bump is gone but the mark stays

I look like a traffic cone

When you do things like this to entertain your kid…

…sooner or later they will return the favor.

That's my laptop bag. G-tot found it when he was rummaging through the larger bag I take to work. This is what he decided to do with it.

oh mama

Thank you for teaching me to have some common sense.
Thank you for instilling in me the idea that only I need to think I'm funny.
Thank you for being the woman that you are & for helping to mold me into the woman that I am.
Thank you for being my role model.
Thank you for being such a great Mother.
Thank you for being MY Mother.

My Mom (here as a new Mother) & me—August 19, 1976

I become a Mother—March 24, 2007

Loving every minute of Motherhood (well almost every minute)—April 23, 2008

To ALL the Mothers in my life—near & far
Happy Mother's Day!

I'd rather stay home

Wednesday morning I leave for a three day trip to Chicago. It's work related, and while I'm sure it will be an enjoyable time, I'm not what you might call excited to go. This will be the first time I've really been apart from Gideon. I've never been away from him overnight and have never been more than a 20 minute drive away.

I'll have my own room and am most looking forward to getting some well-deserved rest. I have obligations each morning/afternoon but my nights are open. On Wednesday we're going to Buca di Beppos and Thursday I hope to be in my room watching My Name is Earl in my jammies. Such a party animal. BTW, does anybody know what time Earl airs in Chicago?

There will be an obligatory trip one afternoon to the Apple Store and Jamba Juice. I also want to stop at Vosges to pick up a Mo's Bacon Bar or two. Other than that no real plans. Well, besides passing the time until I can get back to my two favorite guys.

No, don't leave us!

handmade...sorta

I made G-man a few shirts this weekend. It started with the one for his birthday. I didn't want to be wasteful of the material so I did a few more. I think they turned out great and will be doing many, many more. I have so many ideas. Once I see how they hold up in the wash I'm going to work on some new designs. What do you think?

birth day birthday

Happy First Birthday Baby!

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I will post more about the party and do my monthly letter later this week. Today I'm participating in Sarcastic Mom's Birth Story Carnival. This is a repost of Gideon's birth story. Very fitting since today is his first birthday. Many of you may have read it already. Take a trip down memory lane and read it again. Those of you that are new to these parts, Welcome.

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Originally posted on the Wee One (my old baby blog) April 7, 2007

The Wait
Monday, March 19th made Friday the 23rd seem so incredibly far away. Monday was the day we scheduled our appointment to be induced on Friday at 8:30 am. That still left three days for me to go into labor on my own—but if I didn't the end was in sight. Tuesday...nothing. Wednesday...still waiting. Thursday we went to the hospital to have the cervical gel applied to encourage contractions and dilation that evening.

March 22, 2007—39 weeks and 6 days pregnant

That procedure took about two hours and when we were done, Josh and I went out for one last meal as just a couple—Applebee's for burgers. The contractions started a little that evening but they weren't anything to send us into a frenzy. Our bags were packed and we were so ready to get to Friday morning. To say I didn't get much sleep that night is an understatement. I was such a ball of emotions—excitement, nervousness, bewilderment—that I barely slept a wink. I got up at 6:30 Friday morning, showered, and had my toast and banana. I was ready to go. That's when the phone rang.

It was the hospital calling to tell me to not come in. There weren't any beds available and they were calling all of their scheduled inductions and telling then to hold off for a little while. They said they would call us back when we could come in and hopefully it wouldn't be that long. They were wrong. The minutes seemed to tick on and on and finally at 4:30 pm they called us back and said they were ready for us. Josh let out a little woo-hoo of joy and we grabbed our bags, about to embark on a journey that neither of us could have ever expected.

The Beginning
We got to the hospital and were once again left to wait. This time in triage while they finished getting our room together. It was only a short wait and within the hour I was in labor and delivery sporting the ever so attractive blue hospital gown. The doctor came in shortly after and by 6 pm my water had been broken. That was such an odd sensation. I could hear her trying to break it with her little crochet-hook like tool and then all of a sudden—gush. It just came pouring out. For hours after each time I had a contraction I would gush again at the onset. It was like constantly peeing without any control. The nurse must have changed the "pink pads" at least ten times by the end of the night.

After the doctor had broken my water, the nurse inserted my IV (which really hurt) and started the fluids bag—one of six I would go through before it was all over—and the Pitocin. The Pitocin line started at a level one and every so often (about every 30 minutes or so) the nurse would come in and pop it up a notch or two. She told us that the highest they usually go is a level 20. By Saturday afternoon I was up to a level 26. The initial contractions started pretty quickly and were entirely manageable by my standards. No need for any sort of narcotics at this point.

My Mom came up for a couple of hours that evening, which gave Josh the opportunity to go down to the cafeteria and get some dinner as well as step outside and regroup for a minute or two. When I got to the hospital I was restricted to a clear liquids diet, so no real food for me. Around 10 pm on Friday my Mom left and said to call her as soon as something happened, even if it was in the middle of the night. She wouldn't get a call until the next morning—a call to say "No baby yet."

I was hoping to get a little sleep Friday night and although the contractions were still manageable, they hurt, so I decided to get a dose of Nubain to take the edge off. The Nubain had an interesting effect on me at first. It was a little like being drunk. It helped a little but I really only managed to get two or three minutes of sleep between each contraction. This would go on for hours.

Hours 14 through 20
The doctor came in at 8 o'clock Saturday morning to check my progress. I was now dilated to a 6 which was not a far as I'd hoped to be. The nurse offered me a popsicle and I was so excited to "eat" something—which if you think about it, was just frozen liquid. Through the night Josh had slept briefly and awkwardly in both the uncomfortable chair and on the floor of our room. We were exhausted but hopeful. I was still drug free with the exception of the Nubain—which decreases dramatically in effect with each subsequent dose. The contractions were getting stronger and stronger but I took it like a champ. I never screamed and only doubted my ability to get through it once around 2 o'clock that morning. The nurses had me lay on each side to encourage progression and those contractions were really painful. I also sat on the birthing ball for awhile and I really had to concentrate on my focal points and coping methods to get through those. My coping method would be counting down and back up from 20 or reciting the alphabet in my head—not something I had planned, but effective.

At some point during the morning the charge nurse came in and told me how great I was doing. She said she would have had no idea I was having such a strong contraction had she not seen it on the monitor since I was so quiet and focused. Apparently I was the topic of conversation among the nurses at lunch for the same reason. I'm not sure how most women react, but I didn't think screaming and carrying on was going to do me any good. Josh was amazingly helpful through the process and if he wasn't there to help me cope I may not have been so relaxed. My Mom came up again to hang out with us and give Josh a break for lunch. They both reassured me several times throughout the day that I was doing an awesome job. And I really felt like I was despite the incredible pain I was in every couple of minutes.

The Last Few Hours
Early that afternoon the doctor came in and checked me again. Still a six. No progression since 8 o'clock that morning. Crap. At two pm the nurse came in and recommended that I get an epidural. She said the epidural would help me to relax and de-stress a bit which may help me progress those last 4 cm. It was at that point I had a mild break down. An epidural was not what I wanted. I just wanted this baby to be born. I was exhausted and scared and couldn't stop crying about the decision I needed to make. Just thinking about it now brings me to tears. Josh, my Mom and I talked it over and I had the anesthesiologist come in and talk to me about it too. I decided it was in my and the baby's best interest at that point and although I was frightened of the whole procedure I opted for it. The anesthesiologist was great—she talked me through the whole process and told me several times how great I was doing. By 2:30 pm it was in and the pain was quickly subsiding. I could feel pressure for sure but not the excruciating pain that I had been feeling with each contraction. This would continue for the next three and a half hours.

At six o'clock all our expectations about this birth would change. I still hadn't progressed despite all the Pitiocin and the epidural. My water had now been broken for 24 hours and was approaching the point of being a risk factor for both the baby and myself. I had been at this for 24 hours and was so ready to have the baby that when the nurse came in to say that an emergency caesarean section was now necessary I was all for it. Let's get this show on the road.

In Labor & Delivery still, waiting to be taken to the OR.

Things moved pretty quickly that last hour. Josh put on his scrubs and I donned the lovely net hat. I drank some disgusting antacid concoction and had the fetal monitor and the internal monitor removed. My Mom called my Step-dad and Brother and went out to the triage area to wait. Several different people came in and out of the room that would be assisting with the surgery and at 7 pm I was being wheeled down to the OR. Josh had to wait outside the OR for several minutes while they got me up on the table and prepped. The whole scene was surreal and reminded me of that scene from Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" where they wheel the lady into the OR and have to get out all the expensive machines that go "ping".

They logged me into the OR at 7:06 pm. A flurry of things were prepped and taken care of over the next several moments. A more powerful anesthesia was administered and at 7:26 pm the first cut was made. Another surreal experience. I was completely awake and although I couldn't see past the curtain that was just inches from my face, I was very aware of what was happening. It wasn't painful, but I could feel each snip and slice as they opened me up. At one point Joe, the nurse's midwive, said "Extreme pressure." and he wasn't kidding. I don't know what was happening at that point—they weren't pulling the baby out yet—but it was a crazy sensation. Josh told me later that Joe had turned sideways to brace himself and was sort of up on one foot with all his weight shifted to give him leverage. A few more moments and Joe would be saying to Josh, "Do you want to see your baby?" Josh looked over the curtain and Gideon was just halfway out of my body. They pulled him the rest of the way out and exclaimed, "He's definitely a boy."—we had been discussing the rate of error when we first got into the OR and had mentioned how we really hoped he was that boy we expected. He was wisked away for his initial tests and what not—scoring an impressive 8,9, and 9 on his APGARs. The doctor from the NICU came out and told me how beautiful he was and how great he was doing. Then they brought him out to me and put him just a few inches from my face so I could say hello and give him a kiss.

The doctors began to massage my uterus to help with the bleeding and what not. Let me tell you that was incredibly painful. It was as painful as some of the worst contractions I had just prior to the epidural. I got an uncontrollable case of the shakes, my bp skyrocketed—which apparently caused a bit of a stir among the doctors—and they sewed me up. When they were all done they wheeled me into OR recovery where I would spend at least the next hour—I think it was much longer. My Mom, Step-dad and Brother came in as soon as they could to see us all and then my Dad, Step-mom, and sister came up. They were all concerned about my well being and so excited about the arrival of Gideon that waiting was never an option for any of them. By 11 pm we were in our post-partum recovery room where I would finally get my first bite to eat of real food since 3 pm the previous day and where we would spend the next few days as a new family.

Mom & Baby in OR recovery.

At 7:33 pm on March 24th we had our baby. After 25 hours of labor—and just 7 minutes after the first incision—he was here. And he would change our lives in an instant.

one week

That's it. Seven days and my G-man turns one. I'm at a loss for words. His party is on Saturday. I'm nowhere near ready but I'm not too concerned. I'll pick up the rest of the stuff on Friday and do most of the preparations then. I may have gone a bit crazy with the guest list (but I couldn't exclude her, or him, or them). Oh well. We're gonna whoop it up (remember to get wine). There will obviously be lots of documentation. Photographic and video. Any guesses on how many times I'll cry?

monkey, cow, elephant

I love the ways he hugs my legs when he wants to be picked up.


He can't quite say it yet—it sounds more like a soft "puh", "puh", "puh"—but we know it means "up, up, up".


It may just be one of the sweetest sounds ever.

do they make band-aids for that part?

Yesterday, while nursing, G-man bit me. Hard. This is not the first time he has done it, but it was the first time he drew blood. Now I have a tiny scab on my nipple where his tooth pierced the skin. Damn those sharp little baby teeth.

spent

I'm exhausted today and I don't think any amount of caffeine is going to help. Maybe I could just crawl under my desk and take a nap like George Costanza. I didn't get home from work until ten o'clock last night. At that point I spent the next hour doing dishes, pumping milk, picking up toys, blah, blah, blah. JQ and I finally crawled into bed around 11:30 and I didn't fall asleep until well after midnight. It was at 3 a.m. that I heard my wake-up call in the form of a crying baby. This tooth business is so tough for him.

I groggily stumbled to his room and tried to just rock him back to sleep. After a half an hour I laid him down in his crib and tiptoed back to our bedroom. JQ started to ask me if he was asleep and I cut him off with an abrupt "shhhhh!". Ten seconds later Gideon was crying again. Back to his room. Change his diaper. Grab the boppy and head back to our room for a feeding. It's not easy to get comfortable sitting in an upright position with your neck resting on the edge of the headboard. At 4:30 I passed Gideon of to his Dad to take him back to bed. A good twenty minutes later I was asleep.

Three hours later I was up for the day. A day that won't end until 10 o'clock tonight. I hope I don't doze off during my lecture this evening. Does anybody have andy NoDoze?

screwed

On Monday, November 5th I watched Gideon go from laying on his stomach to sitting on his butt. Unassisted. In one fluid movement. Later on that day while we were playing on the floor he pulled himself from that same stomach position to a standing position with the aid of the couch. He thought that was quite hilarious. After his nap I watched him stand up from a sitting position in his crib. I caught that last one on tape.
This is no fluke. He's been doing it repeatedly since Monday. We are screwed.

major evidence of my ocd at the end of this post

I realized the other day that I need to take a page out of Gideon's diet if I want to lose weight. If I ate the same type of things I feed him those last few pounds I'm hanging on to would come right off. Crazy? I disagree. Think about it.

Milk. Fruits. Vegetables. Barley, rice, and oatmeal cereals. A small serving of juice once a day. An occasional dessert style baby food. Nutritious. Preservative free. Most of them free of extras sugars. How could you not lose weight? It's essentially a pureed version of the Core plan on Weight Watchers.

I was down .2 again this week. That's the sad little number I'm repeatedly eeking out. It's a result of not really concerning myself with what I'm eating. Making a half-ass effort to eat more nutritiously and less processed and convenient. I love whole foods. I love to cook. There is no reason I should be treating my body to less than the best. It's just seems easier to sometimes reach for the garbage. Only 7 weeks until the end of the year and my goal was to have those last few pounds off. I better give this baby food thing a try.

Move over Gideon, Momma wants to share those pears with you.

Yes I am that anal.
Not only are they arranged by food types (3 rows of fruits, 3 rows of vegetables, 1 row of desserts), but they are also arranged by color. Sometimes I frighten myself. In my defense it makes it really easy to see what we have and what we need. Plus, I can make sure Gideon is eating a colorful diet and getting a variety of choices.

Sunday morning

I think Daylight Savings Time is just a cruel joke for parents with young children. An extra hour of sleep? My ass. Tell that to my 7 month old. "No, no honey—you can't get up yet. I don't care what your internal clock tells you. The clock on Mommy's nightstand says it's actually an hour earlier. Go back to sleep. We get an extra hour today." I can't wait to see how it affects the rest of our day.

If you participate in DST and got your extra hour—good for you. Bastards.

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I think the hardest part about NaBloPoMo for me will be the weekends. I wonder if that is true for the majority of participants. I don't blog much on the weekends. There aren't a lot of bloggers that I read that post much on the weekends. I don't read too many blogs on the weekends—unless it's early in the morning. We're busy being a family and doing housework and what not on Saturdays and Sundays. It's ironic since I don't have a job that is conducive to the habits of most bloggers. It's a wonder I ever find time to blog.

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I'm impressed with JQ's progress on his participation in NaNoWriMo. He has already written over 5000 words of his novel since Thursday. Add to that the fact that he: worked Thursday, didn't write on Friday, went shopping with us Saturday, watched two movies this weekend, has been his regular Dad self (which is really involved for JQ—he's an awesome Dad), and he hasn't written yet today (as of 9 a.m). Yeah...total run-on sentence, but you catch my drift.

He's up now so I'm out of here.

tune in tokyo

A few weeks ago I stopped wearing nursing pads to work (or anywhere for that matter). I had grown weary of catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and seeing two flat 4 inch discs floating just below the surface of my shirt. I figured since Gideon is eating less often and I'm not completely engorged every two hours I'd be safe. And I am. It's nice to not have to wear them everyday.

Now I have another problem. My nipples. I feel like they are poking out so far that you could hang your coat off of them. I wonder if my students notice?

pumpkin

The pumpkins have been carved.

The seeds have been roasted.

The costumes have been donned.

Here's hoping you get more treats than tricks this year.

Happy Halloween.

defective typewriter

Reason number 8008 that breastfeeding is awesome:
I haven't had a period since June 2006.

TMI? Probably.
Do I care? Nope.

6 months

Dear Gideon,

Just under three weeks ago you turned six months old. I know, I know...what the hell am I doing writing this three weeks later? The truth is, I just haven't found the time. You are so incredibly important to me that I want to spend every free minute I can hanging out with you. That—and your unwillingness to take nice long naps—puts a damper on my letter writing time.

26 weeks

27 weeks

28 weeks (with guest appearance by Hip O.)

A major growth spurt—both mentally & physically—has occurred for you over the past several weeks. Around 23 weeks, I started making a list of things you had experienced. Here are a few of the things we've seen and done with you:

Blowing raspberries (zerberts) on my arm sitting in the yard.
Blowing raspberries at me with your little tongue sticking out.
Just sticking out your tongue in general.
Grunting and screaming like Godzilla.
Understanding cause & effect (9.2) by trying to turn rainforest "tv" on.
Sitting up unassisted like a big guy.
Giving kisses—big, open-mouthed, drool-filled, on my cheek
Laughing uncontrollably.
Crawling! (week of 9.20)
Saying "mama"
"waving" goodbye

This is by no means a complete list. In reality it all happened several weeks ago and I just never got back to adding to it. You've done so much more. It's like you woke up one morning and thought to yourself, "I am really digging this world I live in and I think I'd like to explore every inch of it. Right.Now. You crawl and sit like a champ. If you're on the floor and you see something you want—look out—in approximately 15 seconds you'll be across the room and honing in on your target.

One thing in particular that you are fascinated by is the toe kick that separates the kitchen and the dining room. Something about the gold phillips head screws inset into the thick natural woods captivates you. I could wash an entire sink full of dishes with you sprawled out on your belly several feet away inspecting that minute architectural detail like it was lost treasure.

How did they get that screw in there?

This past month has been a whirlwind for you. We do so much exploring that the ordinary is becoming fascinating again to me. When you get mesmerized by a sight or sound that I've been desensitized too I ponder how that must be for you. To experience something—like the sound of water swishing in a bottle—for what might be the first conscious time in your life. It's very cool.

Getting a book.

Reading with Mommy.

You are really smart and have a personality that is often lacking in the world. You are nothing if not the cutest, most charming and well-behaved baby I have ever met. That seems to be the consensus. The ladies at Weight Watchers adore you and tell me on a weekly basis how fabulous you are. It never gets old. You flirt with your eyes and that is going to cause me much unrest in the future. I hope I'll be able to teach you to wink someday. That will really knock 'em dead.


Every day gets better with you. That's saying a lot since there has never really been a bad day with you. You've been a dream since day one and I love you more and more as the weeks and months go by. You are my little monkey. My peanut. My sweet potato. My Baby Gideon and I'm so glad you are in my life.

Love,
Mommy

Apple picking at MacQueens Orchard.

*This post is up at the baby blog too. You are not experiencing deja vu.

take a moment...

...and marvel at the extraordinary in the everyday.

bathtime waterfalls

Have a Happy Weekend.

that's a thinker

Way back on August 1st, Shades kindly bestowed the Thinking Blogger Award upon me. Good thing it wasn't the Punctual Blogger Award—that one would have been revoked long ago. This is my first blogger award and Shades' reasoning behind honoring me with such a prestigious sounding trophy is really sweet. She says:

Pixie- I love how since she became a mother, her blogs are such heartfelt, honest posts, overflowing with love for Gideon. I am not able to better explain this- she's just so open when talking about parenthood, and her posts make me feel good.

Thanks Shades! I don't get to post (or comment) as often as I'd like anymore but I'm glad to know you're still enjoying when I do.

Now, apparently from here I have some delegating to do. According to the rules governing this award I'm to relay the following:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote. You can get a silver one by clicking on that link if the gold doesn't do it for you.

So, 5 blogs that make me think? Here we go.
1. Leezer
2. Egan
3. JQ
4. Naynay
5. Think Frustrated

Why these five? If you don't know yet then you should go check them out right away. Go. Do it. Leave them a comment and then come back here and leave me one.