Friday, July 7, 2006

rumination, pica, orthorexia...and I thought I had problems*

I wrote this on a few real sheets of paper the other day as a sort of free thinking exercise. It wasn't intended to be a blog post but I've changed my mind (hey, I'm a woman, that's what we do). It touches on a few things that I believe many of us can relate to. It opened my eyes to a couple of things about myself . At the end—when I was away—Josh wrote one poignant sentence. Man he rocks.
I get that it's an obsession—what I don't get is why? How did food become such an addiction? Even when I'm stuffed and miserable, something hitting my olfactory can invoke a "mmm...that smells good." Not that I'd eat it—I'm just rarely turned off by it. Food seems to occupy my mind more often than it should. Being a WW member seems to have made it worse. I really can't remember a time when I didn't enjoy food—even when I was a young girl getting in trouble with my Great Aunt for eating too much fruit. I mean really—what kid gets in trouble for that?

It's common knowledge of those close to me that I thoroughly enjoy the entire eating experience. The sight of the meal, the smells melding together—teasing your salivary glands, enticing you to take a bite—and don't think I've forgotten about actually eating the food. It's almost orgasmic, all the "mmm's", "yums", and "this is so good" that you hear when dining in my company. I've heard enough people tell others about the level of pleasure I get from a meal that I've become aware of it and try to refrain from the verbal recognition of enjoyment.

Perhaps that's the key to getting control. Really enjoy every meal. And snack. And cocktail. Enough is just as good as a feast. Start sitting and using as many senses as possible as opposed to the mechanical "gather, scoop, shovel, chew" that occurs when engaged in a myriad of activities (like tv) simultaneously with eating.

Maybe it's something completely different. Maybe I was starved in a former life. Maybe it's just a convenient way to relieve boredom.

Maybe it's upbringing. Food is always a major component of any celebration in my family. Christmas Eve—everyone brings an appetizer and the rotating hosts provide the "main" food item.

Happy? Let's eat. Sad? Have a treat. Worked hard all week? Let's go out to dinner. Let me show you how much I love you by making you something to eat.

I take a lot of pride in my cooking. I really get a good shot of endorphins through my system when you tell me how much you enjoy x, y, and z about the meal. Especially when I'm making up the recipe. I've become quite savvy at blending flavors together in a way that heightens the individual ingredients as well as merries them. I take pride in that. Spending an afternoon at the kitchen counter chopping, dicing, and marinating is like...I don know...writing poetry, staring at the stars, dancing. What I mean is, I like it—plain and simple.

So, maybe it (not unlike a recipe) is a blending of the 2 most prominent solutions that will tame my obsession with food. Prepare it to my standards and really enjoy it. Every time.

(Josh's reply: "You don't have a problem, but a gift.")
*When trying to decide on a title for this post I came across Wikipedia's list of eating disorders. Very interesting.


Nobody said...

I find I eat a lot when I'm bored. I've been bored alot since I started my current job 7 years ago and managed to gain over 50lbs since then.

Blogarita said...

As a foodie myself, I loved this post!

We rarely go out to eat anymore unless we need to when we are out of town...for us, it's just better all around (healthier, less expensive, more fun, and usually better tasting) if I make our meals at home.

BTW, I can eat any time except when I'm sad or upset.

Leezer said...

Once when I was going through a rough patch, and this is putting it mildly, I was down to about 120 pounds (I'm tall, so this wasn't good). People said how lucky I was - that they were "jealous." Little did they know how much I wanted to eat and sleep, but I couldn't.

My point is that Josh is right. You do have a gift, share it as much as you can! From my point of view, you're very creative and nurturing, which expresses itself in this way. It's all good.

Ms. Armsweat said...

Oooh, I had a friend with pica. We were on a hike and she just casually popped a rock in her mouth. Weird! Although it got me curious, and I ended up tasting a rock, too. Spit it out. Oh well.

Anyway, I have the same issues with food. I do the mindless eating ALL the time (I have to be reading when I eat breakfast or I go nuts; same as at lunch...I don't even have lunch with friends anymore because it's my Alone Time), and I associate so much with eating.

In my opinion, don't give up your enjoyment in food and in cooking. It's part of what makes life interesting! So what if we weight a tad more than we want, at least we can appreciate that moment on the lips, right? :)

Except for rocks. They aren't that delicious.

Melissa said...

You are a genius little pixie. This post is exactly right. Love it.

Mr. Fabulous said...

You are an awesome cook!

LotionBarBunny said...

Thanks for hosting my blog for the week!

I'm baffled as to why BE has a bunch of smilies across the thumbnail though.


tmat1970 said...

I enjoy the art of cooking, I like to play kitchen cupboard roulette. Start grabbing things off of the shelves without paying too much attention and then try to find an interesting way of putting them together.

Of course that is how I ended up with a lima bean smoothie (extra-chunky).

Lynda said...

I couldn't have said it better myself. It is almost like we are the same person.