Monday, October 22, 2007

sometimes being an adult sucks

Last Wednesday, the Mother of a close friend of mine passed away. I've known her since the sixth grade. She had been battling cancer for awhile now and when I saw her in late July she looked sick and frail—nothing like the woman I had known for so many years. My friend's husband called me last Monday to let me know the doctors were only giving her hours to live. My heart broke for my friend. To sit by your Mother's side and watch her die. I cannot imagine what that must be like.

I haven't talked to her since I found out. I couldn't call her. I didn't know what to say. I'm such a shitty friend.

I saw in the obituaries online Friday that she had died. Tonight is the visitation. There will be no funeral, only this. We'll go after Josh gets home from work & we drop Gideon off at my Mom's. It's going to suck. I know I'm going to break down. Josh knows it too—we talked about it yesterday. I just don't do good in these situations. I'm an extremely emotional person and seeing my friend (and her stepdad and grandmother) tonight is going to so hard.

I haven't been to a funeral in five years. This is the first time I have to console a friend losing a parent. Sometimes being an adult sucks.


Lynda said...

My advice, should you choose to accept it (being at the death in two years ago today):

-Don't feel guilty about not saying anything. Your friend has had a lot going on with preparations, family, etc.

-When you see her tonight, let her know you are there for her. Also, offer to help her. You may have to do this in a telling way, like, "I am going to bring you dinner on Tuesday" or "How about I stop by on Sunday so we can [insert helpful thing here]" (If you bring dinner, make it something easy to freeze. That helped our family a lot because we got A LOT of food.)

- Roll with the emotions. No one likes these situations, seriously. I have never heard someone say, "Oh, I love funerals!" However, things like this just make you appreicate life more, and you will be hugging Gideon a little tighter tonight.

You know, sometimes the words aren't the important thing, but phrases I always hated are: It's for the best, These things happen for a reason, You should be happy they aren't in pain anymore. I mean, sure you don't want your loved one in pain, but that doesn't mean you don't wish they weren't healthy and here with you.

Good luck! Being an adult sucks!

Lynda said...

I meant to say, "Being an adult does suck!"

But only at times. ;)

Lynda said...

Geez, I should proofread:

My advice, should you choose to accept it (being at the death end two years ago today):

Ok, I am not going to read what I said anymore. I just wish you luck, and good luck to your friend also.

Vegas Princess said...

I agree with everything that Lynda said. She gave you wonderful advice, there really is not more for me to say except don't feel bad about not knowing how to act at the viewing. No one ever knows how to act. So just be yourself and be a good friend. That is what she will need the most. I am sorry to hear about her loss and will be thinking of you both.

Naynayfazz said...

To echo VP- Lynda's advice is really good. I was going to say that just you and Josh being there shows what a nice and caring friend you are. Sometimes not saying anything is okay. I am sorry you have to go through this. Feel better.

Shades said...

It's not easy, but you should not feel guilty for how you feel. Your feelings are valid. As much as you cared, as close as you all were, it is expected that you feel this way. THey will understand. You'll all bond even more over the struggle of expressing emotions. It's the fact that you are there that matters most- not what you say.