Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Do you ever go into the bathroom at work and it smells like someone died right there on the toilet, then proceeded to evacuate their bowels and all other cavities?

If so, do you ever think to yourself, "Man I hope nobody comes in here while I'm still here and inadvertantly thinks I'm the one who stank up the joint"? Do ya? Because I know I sure do—hurry, pee, wash your hands and hope that you don't have to explain to someone that it really wasn't you.

25 comments:

BO Snagley said...

Nah.

Jen said...

I have had the opportunity to fear that, on occasion.

I have also been the one with a bathroom emergency that really, really was unpleasant, and have sat in the stall while a grandmother and her son followed me in, listening to the grandmother comment "it stinks in here, doesn't it?"

Then again- is that not what bathrooms are for?

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Snagley—you're probably the one who stinks up the joint.

Jen—That is what bathrooms are for, however, I'm not a public pooper so I try to avoid getting myself into that situation.

fuzzymuffin said...

Oh my god. I had the worst moment of my life in a public toilet the other day. It stank as I walked in but I really had to go and when I'd just finished two girls walked in (from their voices I'd say about 15) and started going "Oh my god! It fucking stinks in here! That's disgusting!" etc etc. I was the only one in there and they started going "Oh my god she's still in here, it's fucking disgusting!" I was so mortified I just stood there in the toilet! I thought they'd have hurled abuse at me if I came out, loudmouth girls scare me at the best of times so I just waited until they'd gone! It was horrible, I've never felt so guilty!

Nobody said...

LMAO. Years ago I walked into a restroom at work that REALLY smelled like crap. I opened the stall and found the source of the crap smell. Yes, it was crap. Right there on the floor. I guess whoever used the stall last couldn't be bothered with taking one more step towards the can and actually sitting down. It was nasty. I later saw a janitor go in there with a shovel, rubber gloves, a noseplug, and a bottle of bleach.

Beebers said...

i know exactly what you mean! the closest bathroom in my office is only a 2 stall one, and i'm always mortified when someone comes in and thinks i did it.
except when i actually do do it (which is rare!) - then i get all confident and i'm like "ewww. nasty, huh?"

Jen said...

I'm not a public pooper, either. That was one unexpected instance.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

You guys are killing me! I'm sitting here laughing hysterically at your stories.

Sarah—when the girls started saying "Oh my god, she's still in here" I would have been shouting, "No, no, it wasn't me. It smelled nasty when I came in. Somebody must have had burritos." Or something like that.

Nobody—That's awful. How can you not hit the toilet? I worked in a restaurant once—where they had the cooks clean the toilets—and in the men's bathroom someone had shit all over the back of the toilet. I walked right back out and said "No way. That is not in my job description. I'm not cleaning shit off the back of the toilet." And I didn't, but somebody had too. They were probably pissed at me about it, but such is life.

Beebers—Same here. The only facility in this building is a 2 staller. To have any privacy at all I have to walk to another building and use one of the myriad of one stall toilets. I'd just rather wait and shit when I get home.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Jen—everybody poops, so why is it a big deal? A question I often ask myself.

Chuck said...

LOL sooooo true! Very deep thoughts there Pix!

Melissa said...

I have never personally been in that exact situation (phew!!) but at work at the weekend some snotty woman came up to me saying how the

'ladies toilets smell awfully of elephant wee'

how she knows what elephant wee smells like, I will never (hopefully) know, but after some serious investigation we found the ladies loos did not smell at all like elephant wee, but of flowers (obviously)

But in the gentlemens toilets the light was broken, and the floor was suspiciously wet...

Yes, snotty woman, of course the ladies toilets smelt of Elephant wee.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Chuck—I'm nothing if not a deep and ultra-classy lady

Melissa—What? What are elephants doing peeing in at your place of employment. Do you work at the zoo?

Melissa said...

i work in a restaurant/tea room at a national trust property (a charity thing that preserves natural history and beauty or something like that) and it's about a million miles away from a zoo. At least I don't think i've ever seen any real elephants wandering through the hills...

Blogarita said...

What about when you walk into a fart someone left in the aisle at the grocery store? I'm always afraid someone will think I'm the one who left it.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Melissa—I was joking about the zoo—but I love the way you talk about where you work, "...history and beauty or something like that"

blogarita—That's hilarious. "Think I'm the one who left it"—like it's a gift or something.

BO Snagley said...

I am offended, nay slain at this attack.
besides i always strike a match.

Jen said...

Somebody should start a blog named Elephant Wee. I think it is my new favorite phrase. I find it quite amusing, as it's the second time I've heard the word "wee" used. My cousin uses it for her dog "Do you need to go wee? Come on, go wee! Go wee! Go wee!..."

Why IS it that every restaurant story has something about the cooks being made to clean the toilet? I swear it's some kind of requirement- and a backwards one, at that...

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Snagley—such a courteous pooper you are.

Jen—"elephant wee" would be a great name for a political blog. I think making cooks clean toilets is the most disgusting thing. What is the wait staff doing while the cooks are prepping for the day's business? Nothing...so make them do it.

Vegas Princess said...

The worst is when you are in the bathroom at work and have to do Number 2 and people keep coming in and you can't be quiet anymore and everyone knows you're taking a dump.

Tim said...

I don't know what's worse, hearing someone shit, or smelling someone shit.

Alistair! said...

When you go into a stall and sit down and the guy in the next stall is grunting and swearing "come out you fucker...nnnnnh...aaarrrr...nnnnnh!!" and the smell is getting up there and your trying to concentrate on the sports scores and the dildo goes on "come on come come on, yeah baby! NNNnnnnh!"and you hear that massive splash and you just know that he's soaked his arse. Then it goes quiet and you hear the sound of his belt buckle scraping the floor, the whizz of the toilet paper dispenser and the rustle as he cleans off...he's out ( maybe washing his hands) and the smell starts to rise, the bastard's forgotten to flush. And you emerge from your cubicle just as a gaggle of teenage kids walk in and you see their noses wrinkle at the smell, then your eyes meet theirs...

Egan said...

I usually just smile regardless if it was me or not.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Oh yeah, I am mortified when this happens, thinking that someone might have thought it was me.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Amanda—I try to keep myself out of that situation at all costs.

Tim—that's a toss-up

Alistar—Okay?

Egan—you're funny

mr. fab—usually guys aren't bothered by this. Are you showing us your sensitive side?

The Boy said...

I used to work as a lifeguard and it was astonishing the places people would go rather than use the appropriate facility. I still quite vividly remember the first time I was sitting up on the chair, carefully scanning the water for flailing hands when something brown that shouldn't be there floated by.

I radioed it in, and was further astonished when my supervisor came out with the designated poo net and a plastic bag. It was, of course, my job to "fish" it out. Blech...