Monday, June 5, 2006

6 weird things from my childhood

The lovely and ever-so-funny Tinapopo disclosed some disturbing little factoids about her childhood at the request of the Barmaid. Now, Popo’s asked me to do the same (Jen did too, but then recanted her statement since she's a polite blogger). I’m digging deep here folks—hopefully I’m not repeating myself.

Pixie and the Revolution
I’ve always had an affinity for making up words to pre-existing songs. Instead of “Crazy Train” I sang about the “Gravy Train” (“Gravy…on mashed potatoes…”). I still do it and think it’s hilarious. One particular song still sticks out in my head—I even sang it over the weekend. The song was “When Doves Cry” by the one and only Prince. We didn’t actually change the lyrics in this case, just added to them. By “we” I mean a very close friend of mine and I who shall remain nameless for the sake of her dignity. Picture if you will two young girls and their Cabbage Patch Dolls singing away with the record (yep, those big round vinyl things) of Prince’s Purple Rain. You know the words I’m sure but if not it went like this…”Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like when doves cry…” Now here’s where we add our lyrics. Are you ready? Sure? Okay…”tweet, tweet, waa, waa, tweet, tweet, tweet, waa”. Get it? What it sounds like when doves cry? Sadly, I’m not kidding.

I never have really been a fan of jello. There is something about the consistency of it that I don’t like. I will do jello shots, but to sit down with a bowl full of coagulated gelatin just isn’t going to happen around here. As a child, my grandma used to tell me it was good for your nails. Plus, she always had a box of cherry jello up in the cupboard. So, we would make it (what young girl doesn’t want strong nails?) and, before it was cool, I would drink it. Yep, it never got to the gelatin point, just warm liquid jello. Yum.

Soggy Shag
We spent a lot of time as kids over at my Grandma’s house. By car, it was a good 5 minute drive to her house, but by foot, we could just walk across this huge field behind our house and we were there. One of the really dumb things we would do when she wasn’t around is have water fights. In her house. We didn’t have guns, just cups of water and we’d run through the house and throw them at each other. Not smart enough back then to realize the damage that must have caused the carpet and the padding—fortunately Gam didn’t seem to realize what transpired, ever.

Mystery Cocktails
Gam (my Grandma if you can’t keep up) also had this really cool hide away door that separated the kitchen from the dining room. It slid into the wall when it was open and pulled out and shut off the kitchen when it was closed. When we would have sleep overs at Gam’s one of the things we liked to do was make mystery cocktails. A couple of us would go into the kitchen, close the door, and concoct a disgusting beverage that the unknowing member of our soiree would have to try. I’m surprised none of us ever puked. It would be things like lemonade with chocolate syrup, mustard, and bbq sauce—or some equally disgusting combination.

Is that what they meant by ALL terrain?
Growing up we had a 3-wheeler (an ATV) that we rode around the big field behind our house. I would strap my boombox to the back of it and give the neighbor kids rides around the field. It was really fun. On one such occasion, I was coming back in to drop off and pick up the next member when a friend of mine made a huge mistake. She threw grass at my face. When something would come flying at my face, my natural reaction was to close my eyes. Which I did—and I swerved. Then I ran her over. She ran home crying and didn’t come back to ride the ATV. Moral: Don’t throw grass in my face while I’m operating a vehicle.

Snow Bunnies
Regardless of the weather, we would play outside as kids. Winters were no exception. As really little kids, we (my Dad) would hook the sled up to our Chesapeake Bay and he would run down the street with us like our own Iditarod. When we got older, we would ice skate in my friend’s backyard. Not on a pond, just in the yard where water had pooled (quite a bit) and frozen. Once, my friend fell while skating and the blade of the skate hit her right in the ass (seriously). That still makes me laugh.

So, there you have it. Six of my lovely childhood memories. Stay tuned, Lisa has asked us to provide you all with 2 of our childhood fears next. These should be traumatizing to rehash.


fuzzymuffin said...

Frenchy makes up words to songs. One of my favourites was "Subway beyond the sea" (Somewhere beyond the sea) Which included lyrics such as " with lettuce, tomato and cucumberrrr, ai ca-fucking-rumbaaaaaaa"

I thought it was just him!

❉ pixie ❉ said...


Jen said...

LOL! Your 3-wheeler story beats mine; heck it even tops mine PLUS my go-cart story.

I like the boom-box idea. You were classy.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Oh yes, classy indeed. I enlisted my friend (the one who is part of most of these stories) to help me come up with some memories and we were laughing about the 3 wheeler incident. Even after all these years it still cracks me up.

BO Snagley said...

dont throw grass in your face,

Conti said...

Probably in another life you had a horific jello wrestling accident.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Snagley—good, you understood the moral.

Conti—an excellent hypothesis.

Vegas Princess said...

Your ATV story made me laugh because I remember when I was younger and I used to ride on the back of my cousin's ATV. He would do these wild swereve and jumps and even wheelies. One time he went around a sharp curve and I flew off. He didn't know I was off the back when he did a wheelie and promptly fell off himself. the ATV went off on its own and he was scraed because he didn't see me and thought I got dragged underneath. He started to cry until I came around the bend covered in mud from falling off myself.

djmetronome said...

I loved your childhood stories...

Jen said...

A friend brought their ATV's to my cousin's birthday party. I was driving a 3-wheeler for the first time (having driven the 4-wheeler numerous times and thinking I was the shit because of it) so my dad was walking alongside me, holding onto the handlebars. He'd vaguely explained "this is the gas, this is the brake, etc..." but there's got to be a better way to tell a 10-year-old "this is the switch that makes it go, and it goes faster the harder you push on it and further to push it in" (yes, that would have made much more sense). Anyway, he decided he wanted to walk alongside the OTHER side of me and explained he was going to let go, and walk around me and not to do anything.

Well, he let go and I pannicked and squeezed both handles as hard as I could-

and shot off straight into the woods with him yelling "BRAKE! BRAKE!" as he ran after me.

Eventually, I just let go with both hands completely, and fell off. From the scratches on my face, I think a few trees might have helped me out there.

With the go-kart my grandpa bought for us kids to use at his place, it was just a whole lot of fun to put my sisters in the passenger side and speed full-tilt at this huge, round, concrete water tank thingy. Sometimes I rammed head on into it. Others I swerved just at the last moment. It was loads of fun. What a great way to terrify bratty sisters you never wanted.

When my other cousin's got ahold of it, it became a game of see who could speed and swerve the fastest to throw each other out of the passengerf side and see who rolled the farthest.

They sold it soon after that.

Alistair! said...

OK I read Popo's ( she's weird and hooks hobos) and Mad Ethel's ( she's weird and doesn't hook hobos) Now I read yours and your not weird ( well except for the thing with Prince)but funny...go figure!

❉ pixie ❉ said...

alistar!—Thanks? That's a compliment, right?