Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I rarely shower alone these days—or—Pixie: Spider Hunter

It seems that lately, the spiders have decided that the bathroom in our house is an appropriate place to set-up a home of there own—opposed to outside, which I personally find to be a much more appropriate place for them. Since I don’t like to kill them (as I mentioned yesterday, some feel it’s bad luck to kill them in your house) the spiders have found themselves in what appears to be a pretty stellar living environ.

Or so they thought.

I’ve discovered that I can only take so many days of looking up at the ceiling while washing my hair and spotting a spider. If the spider is tucked away in the corner and not moving, I’m okay. It’s when the freaky little arachnid decides it must swing/crawl/half fall up/down/across the wall/ceiling/shower caddy that I start to have a problem. I guess it’s spider-circus training season because the spiders have been all over the shower acrobatics lately.

Bad news for the spiders.

The other day I had enough of the Flying Karamazov Spider and while he was careening down the shower wall (while I was showering) I caught him. Not in my hand—there is no way I’m touching a spider with bare hands—but in an empty salt scrub jar I had in the shower. Lucky me, I had a readily available trapping device. I set the soon to be patented “arachni-trap” on the sill of the window in our shower and continued with my bathing feeling pretty good about my snare.

When I went to grab the soap I noticed a small sheath-like web in the corner of the shower wall. No biggie I thought, I’ll destroy the little spider bungalow with a Q-tip after my shower. I got the Q-tip and started to swipe at the web and it moved when I touched it. Inside was a second spider that I hadn’t noticed just moments before. Damn. That one freaked me out.

I knew it had to go because I was pretty sure that what I was trying to wipe up was not just any old web but a little cove that the spider builds to rest in when not active. Oh yeah, and guard their eggs.

Now, one spider is okay but I refuse to become a hostess for an entire family of spiders.

Well, I asked Josh to take care of it and he forgot. No biggie, for I am Pixie: Spider Hunter. The next day I went to tend to the web and the spider was gone. I imagine she had to leave the proverbial nest to find some food—since I had her mate trapped on the sill a mere 3 feet away from the nursery she created.

Bad news for the spider.

I grabbed my soon to be patented “arachni-abode-crusher” (the Q-tip if you’re having trouble keeping up) and with one quick swoop I had the web off the wall and in the trash. That still left the spider.

I saw her today.

I had just gotten into the shower and was leaning back wetting down my hair when I spotted that familiar pale yellow body on the wall across from me. She was just outside and above the shower curtain hovering way too close to the hook that held my towel for my post shower dry down. I still had the “arachni-trap” on the windowsill—but it still had the other spider in it and I didn’t want to risk them both being free with me still in the shower. I’ll just keep an eye on her I thought. Check on her again after I wash my face, then my hair, etc. She moved a bit so I had to pull back the shower curtain to check her status. I lost her. I finished my shower but had a feeling that I knew exactly where she was...in my towel.

I grabbed the towel very carefully off the hook and started to shake it out. Nothing. I took the corners a held the towel lengthwise out in front of me. There she was. At the bottom of the towel. I shook the towel again, with force this time, and she fell to the floor. Now was my chance. I threw the towel up on the hook and grabbed the jar. Dripping wet I blew on the spider to force her across the floor and up the wall a bit. Then, with the speed of a pubescent teen “climbing the rope”* for the first time, I took the lid off the jar and trapped her. I put the lid on, held the jar up and shook it around a bit. I laughed at the two lovers reunited, their fate sealed in my death trap.

I set the jar on the counter and dried off.
Tomorrow I shower alone.
I am Pixie: Spider Hunter.

*See Superstud: Or how I became a 24 year-old virgin by Paul Feig if you need an explanation of this euphemism.


Jen said...

When do you get your own show with your own accent? Animal Planet or NGEO?

Tim said...

Why don't you put them outside rahter than trapped in your jar? Won't they die without food?

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Tim—umm...yes. Hence the fate. I'll get them outside before their demise. I'm such a softie.

Lynda said...

I catch and release spiders to. I thought had been here recently, but I guess not. :(

hyena9 said...

wow, you're a baby killer! (hee-hee) shower spiders are funny.

Beebers said...

i used to have house spiders in my old apartment. every time i'd come home from a weekend away, my boyfriend and i would play the "guess how many spiders will be in the corners of the ceiling" game.

no arachna-trap for me. the ones in the shower, unfortunately, got a stream of water splashed on them to take them down the drain. i could never watch as this happened b/c i felt so bad. but the thought of showering with them hanging over me made me feel worse.

Spinning Girl said...


Mr. Fabulous said...

wow, it was like one of those Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom specials.

OK, you are probably way too young to remember Marlin Perkins.

Well, trust me, that's what I kept thinking of LOL

The Boy said...

Sorry, may have to report you to the Worldwide Enterprise for Betrapped Spiders. This blatant display of anti arachnid sentiment can't be let loose on the web...

❉ pixie ❉ said...

the boy—W.E.B.S. appreciates my efforts to reintroduce confused arachnids back to their natural habitat. They have shown interest in funding my no-harm traps and are looking for testimonials. The aforementioned spiders were released into the backyard this morning and I'm sure that W.E.B.S. will be contacted soon. I'll be awaiting my medal of honor.

Mad Ethel said...

KILL THE LITTLE EFFERS!! SCREW BAD LUCK!! It's going to be bad luck if they attack you and poison you with their venom. Tell me, how is it good luck if your arm turns black and falls off? All in the name of safety for the spiders? Methinks not.

fuzzymuffin said...

I have slugs. I miss spiders.

blakbyrd797 said...

Spiders in the shower I can usually tolerate. If I can reach them, they're smashed. If not, I just keep a wary eye on them the whole time I'm showering ;)

...but we get big centipedes in the shower stall. Now THOSE I cannot deal with. They are extremely fast and extremely scary looking! I try to cut them in half with scissors, since I am too squeamish to even get close enough to squish them. (picture me naked, leaning waaaay over with a pair of long-ass scissors trying to get close enough to snip this nasty thing down the middle--pretty funny if you're not me!)

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Nice visual! Too, too funny.